Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Help, Advice and A Shoulder

I need help, advice, a shoulder and some strength.....

You all know that I've moved to Florida to help manage my brothers resort.  It's a good size resort....43 cabins on the lake.  My parents have been managing it for 4 years, mostly my Dad, but he is 78 years old with COPD and has had one knee replaced with the other one needing it.  He doesn't look 78 at all and is still really active.  He golfs, plays tournament ping pong and goes to the gym 3 days a week. But he's become this grouchy man in the last few years, that swears alot and says whatever the hell he pleases to whoever he pleases.....He says almost daily that he doesn't give a "shit" about this place and he wants to turn the keys in.

A typical conversation between him and a tenant:

Rob: Hey Jerry, how are you??

Dad: You better not have that whore of a girlfriend of yours in your cabin.

Rob: Nope...she's not here but we'd like to have that empty cabin.

Dad: She's nothing but a f**king whore and she's the only female that I've ever met with no tits and a whole lot of balls.

Alrighty...you get the idea...

My brother wants me to take on more responsibility here, but everytime I breathe my dad is yelling at me. It's all little stuff...and he's doing things behind my brothers back that is hurting the resort. For instance, yesterday, he just decided he didn't want to run the "no deposit" ad in the paper anymore and called and canceled it!?! wth

It's a sticky situation...I think my dad feels like he's losing control and I've been very very careful not to step on his toes. I've been running everything thru him and trying to stay out of his way.

Last night, i was talking to my mom about something (gossip about one of the tenants that is being stalked by another tenant) and my dad freaked out!! Told me to mind my own f**king business and blah blah blah.  Then 5 mins later asked me if I wanted to play chess with him. I went home and cried out of shear frustration. :(

I don't know what to do or quite how to handle this....advice and help please!!! I feel my patience slipping away....

This is the sunrise I saw out my front window when I woke up this morning...it's beautiful and I truly love it here.


Menopausal New Mom said...

Hey Tamara, Love the sunrise but getting back to your dad. Well, this guy has issues and sounds like he is justing lashing out at everyone around him. He's probably not approachable either so no point trying to have a sit down with him.
I'm at a loss with this one. Your dad needs help but is probably not the type to ask for it.
Personally, I think life is just too short to put up with that bullshit and I wouldn't be around him or I would act like I was deaf when I was. I know what it's like to walk on eggshells around my dad when I was growing up and no way I'd do that now. Somehow you're going to have to find the courage to stand up to him, tell him what behavior you expect from him and tell him you will ignore everything else. Good luck girl, I feel for you.

Linda in New Mexico said...

Tamara my lovelie, I know this sounds like tough love and it is. I am sure Florida has an Office of Senior Affairs or some such agency. You need to contact them, if not for your Dad's mental health, then your Mom's. I know you want to help, or watnt to turn and run....I would too if I were you. But the funny thing is.....I was you. My Dad started hitting my Mom. She defended herself and almost cold cocked the old bastard, but I digress. I called OOSA and they had a trained counselor come and assess the situation. Then they intervened. I know you'r thinking, holey shit, he'll kill me....well duck. He needs help. Your family needs help. He can't be allowed to be someone other that who he was. Perhaps they will suggest a doctor. Sounds like deprression to me. I should know, I am the queen of depression. If this is crap advice, throw it away. If it feels like something you can do, then yeah for you.
Love you kiddo, I know you'll be just fine but I'll give you one of my bestest Oma hugs anywho. ((((hugs)))) until next time

June said...

I think Linda might be onto something with Dad being depressed.

Something isn't right with Dad and if it is negatively effecting the business, you really don't want to sweep this under the rug too much longer... not in this economy.

Keep us posted.

Rue said...

I would say, have a heart to heart with him, but I tried that with my dad, and he just said that I couldn't take a joke and that if I had a problem with him I should get counselling. Hmm... Then he wonders why I won't spend time with him.

You have to stand up for yourself and get some help - where is your brother in all of this? Couldn't he come down and set your dad straight?